You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
