worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
