I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
