Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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