she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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