3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
