sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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