i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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