you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
