you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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