I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
