update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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