no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
