So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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