And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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