maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
