I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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