we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
