she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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