There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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