State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize