You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
