so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
