i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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