Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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