So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
