God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
