So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
