i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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