margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
