So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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