you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
