let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
