no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
