Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
