I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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