You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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