Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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