You work out of a Hotel?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
