That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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