I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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