So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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