since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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