Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
