I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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