I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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