Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
