I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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