he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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