this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
