he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
