I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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