I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it because I queefed?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
