Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
