Jerry, you need to find god
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
