Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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