so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
