i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just gift wrapped bread.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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