I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
