how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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