so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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