u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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