Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
