Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
