Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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