I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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