You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
