Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
