You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
