Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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