i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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