She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
