hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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