Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
